My dog wrote my blog.

Hi. I’m Elvis. Not THE Elvis, but my human’s Elvis. Terri said she doesn’t have anything interesting to say for her blog, considering she’s been hanging out at the house for—well, I don’t know how long. I live in the present.  

Because a blogger’s gotta blog, she said to me, “Why don’t you write my blog? I’ll pay you in bacon.” I’ll do anything for bacon.

So, instead of curling up under her writing desk, I wagged my tail, jumped into her chair, and put paws to paper.

What does a Frisbee-catching  rump-shaking Border Collie have to say that’s worth your time?

Hey, dogs got it going on. Three of us survived the sinking of the Titanic. Others endured a blizzard to deliver diphtheria medicine to families in Alaska. Another dog guided a blind man across the Appalachian Trail. We can see in the dark, detect bad weather, smell your feelings, and sniff out diseases. Can YOU do that?

And don’t forget: We’re fiercely loyal and protective. Here’s a picture of the bear that came too close to my human. I barked, the bear ran, and then I chased him all the way up the mountain. Big ole scaredy cat.

And here’s a picture of my handsome face after running off that 400-pound bear:  

Okay, maybe I’ve put on a couple extra pandemic pounds since that photo was taken. (Haven’t we all?) My point is this: Dogs are cool, which you probably know. I’m blogging to give you the scoop on four things that might surprise you.

#1. We know you adore us, and that’s why you can’t help but hug us. But just stop it. Don’t get me wrong. We like affection, like belly rubs and back scratches. But a big squeeze makes most dogs uncomfortable. Dogs are not huggers in the same way humans are not butt-sniffers. Of course, there are exceptions in both cases.

#2. Stop tempting us with that cold toilet bowl water. It’s like drinking from a keg for canines. We know what happens in that thing (we like following you in there), but it’s just too hard to resist in the middle of the night. Do us a favor. Put the toilet seat down.

#3. Give us pupsicles. Yeah, I spelled that right. Get one of those empty bones from the pet store, stuff it with wet dog food, and freeze it. While you watch your movie and eat popcorn, we’ll snack on a pupsicle.

#4. This is the most important thing. You seem to be home a lot more often these days, and we love that. But you still have your phone calls and video chats and gardening chores and canoe rides. Keep in mind that YOU are all we have. That’s why we shake our rumps so hard when you come in the door. It’s why when you sit down to read or watch TV, we bring you every tug toy and ball from the toy box. We adore you and want to play. How great is that?

And that’s all I have to say for Terri’s blog. Elvis has left the building…in search of bacon.